Up the spiral

There is a spiral. In the beginning, you can’t see what once was. There is only the future. The spiral can go up or down and we can’t always control its slope. But it will always move forward. We begin with our primal minds, ideas and concepts from childhood. We make little steps forward, slowly gaining experiences and growing.

In this blissful stage, there is awe. Such a natural and visceral way for the young mind to experience the world. Be fascinated by the complexities and vastness of your surroundings. It’s the young kid with a guitar that first saw Van Halen’s “Eruption” solo or grabbed Kentaro Miura’s “Berserk” and was introduced to its grim-dark fantasy world illustrated by thousands of highly detailed panels. We see masters at their craft, alluring us with the height of their skill, and we try to replicate it. We set the bar so high that we can only dream of reaching it at this stage. And be lucky to do so, for it is one of the greatest losses we experience - the protection of ignorance. But a day comes when we realize time is limited. And with it, this greatness slips from our grasp until we begin to lie to ourselves that it’s no longer attainable. And our days shift from dreaming of the future to existing for the day. A day is now better spent doing something else, something productive.

And thus, we flatten the spiral. The day might pass, time will flow, and so many years will slip away. Why study now? What for? It’s not like you will discover something new, beat the masters or really put it to use. Heck, likely you will read an article and forget what it was a day later. But even if you do, whom do you share it with? It’s a gloomy situation. When you look back to the masters - the same greats that motivated you to pursue your hobbies years ago - you see a mountain lost in the clouds. No way you can climb it in the time you have. With just one free hour after work? If even that? They’ve spent countless long days mastering their craft. They dedicated their lives to it. No way you can compete. So what’s the point of wasting your precious free time?

Because it’s not about the final product. It’s not the riff you learn or the song you write. It’s not the painting you complete and put on a wall or a gallery. It’s not becoming as knowledgeable as a doctor or architect, skillful as a master craftsman or sculptor. The value we get from doing is the internal transformation while producing it. This is a process that can not be eroded from any external influences like the feedback of peers, development in technology or job displacement. No effort is wasted. You never know when little things connect and how they can change your life. The true value at this stage is not becoming the next Michelangelo, although there is nothing wrong with aiming at it.

If your painting burns or the sheets of your music are gone, what have you lost? I can share that I’ve wiped 1000s of sketches and drawings. Never to share them, never to store them. The skill gained from doodling and studying is not gone though. These pictures were just a byproduct. The true value is not the output. It’s the process of learning and gaining skills. Living through it. And the same is true for every small step along the way. It’s learning a small topic after work or with your morning coffee, it’s keeping up to date with news and reading just a little more on how things got there. It’s every little nudge of curiosity you’ve followed.

I’ve come to realize that I should not aim at producing more. Of being more productive. Instead, I look at extracting the most out of the process. To live it for the sake of it, not for what will be. And with this, the spiral directs itself upward. You never know how far it reaches. But the idea for its direction can be comforting.